"Launch not beyond your depth, but be discreet,
And mark that point where sense and dullness meet."
---Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism, lns-50-1.
Admiring Pope's comme il faut poesy and proudly thinking, I am not ashamed to admit, how far we've come electing an African-American President. Albeit, his rhetoric's a smidge too leftist, but still, in action, he asserts values that have made our nation a global beacon. (Long drawl from pipe, deep furrowing of brow) He's taught medieval savages in the Middle East a thing or two about civilization. Like my dear old Father, he never spares the rod. (Air of melancholy) Alas, someone has to take up the burden of destroying those who threaten our liberty with anarchy.
I was watching a news program just yesterday and witnessed the most amusing spectacle. Slovenly attired and poorly groomed citizens were camping out in public space to protest various issues. How preposterous? How can these ingrates fail to appreciate and treasure the glory of Universal Suffrage?(Shakes pipe at imaginary audience in reproval) If I had time to so easily dispose of I'd walk down to these mobs and, braving the lack of refinement and rudeness, freely convince them of their good fortune. No catering to underachievers from me. I'd refuse to champion their muddled divisiveness like the radical Lawrence O'Donnell has(two angry puffs billowing like steam from engine)! This nation has handed the gift of liberty to them. How dare they spurn such sacred largesse?
At times it dawns on me that most Americans are spoiled(sighs and taps pipe crisply three times). All the things we've accomplished. Civil Rights Legislation, American investment wealth lifting people up from poverty in third world nations, and protecting, with our valiant men and women in the Armed Services, peaceful protest movements in foreign lands from the genocidal aims of well armed and ruthless dictators(adjusting Jacket to accommodate puffed up chest). If I wasn't so Stoic about the failings of human nature I'd be incensed(benign gaze through smokey haze).
Be thankful Americans. This rough patch is transitory. Good times are ahead. We won't let you down. As one great man said, "The arc of history bends towards liberty." Do not allow that Progress to be stymied by strife. Markets lose confidence and people go tribal. We can't have that. As a polite man of the world, I'd never create strife or sow division so close to home. It's poor form(dusts invisible motes off jacket with left hand).
FINIS
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