Exceptional American Dictionary of Received Ideas(A)

(Homage to Flaubert) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------1. ABORTION Always for convenience. "If we aborted more poor babies we'd have less criminals." Jesus loves terminated fetuses more than living humans. ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------------------------2. ACADEMY Thunder against them as cabals of Marxist Elitists. --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------- 3. ACCIDENT Never happens to the poor. --------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -4. ACCESS Only to be spoken of when describing Lobbyists' or Journalists' relation to Politicians. No other legitimate form. ---------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------5. ACHIEVEMENT Always by dint of tireless effort. Only possible with hard work. Cite heroic single mother with 3 jobs. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------6. ACTION Military term for something humanitarian. Nod head solemnly and sigh over how many lives a military action saved. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------7. ADDICTION Label as sickness but still agree people should be imprisoned for certain addictions. Never mention treatment. ---------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------8. ALCOHOL Not a drug because it's legal.(cf. Pharmaceutical) An endless source of artistic inspiration. People are more truthful when inebriated. "In Vino Veritas" is in Bible. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------9. AMERICA Refers only to The United States. Exclude rest of North America and South America entirely. "Greatest Nation in History." Pinnacle of Civilization. Decry irksome burden being Policeman of the World. ---------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. ANARCHISM Chaos. Lethal to "Free Markets". Wisely quip, "Without AMERICAN military the world would descend into anarchy." ---------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------11. ANDROGENY A sign of homosexuality. Giggle and grunt, "Man up." ---------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------12. ANTHROPOGENIC If linked to anything scientific thunder against as fraudulent and central to New World Order's oppression. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------13. APOCALYPSE Something about the Mayans and 2012. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 14. APPLE "Best Tech gadgets Made in America!" Greatest Corporation on planet. At same time bemoan inattentive youths' attachment to I-Pads. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------15. ARABS(see MUSLIMS) Poor, uneducated. Unworthy of human rights safeguards. All are radical and plotting to destroy AMERICA. Mention Stone Age and Sharia Law with concerned look. Every Arab man mistreats women. "A shame they have oil." Saudis are not Arabs but Iranians are. --------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------16. ARBOR DAY Eco-terrorist Holiday. --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------17. ARGUMENT Never helpful. A sign of rudeness to engage in. --------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ---------------------18. ARMY Essential guarantors of Freedom. They are all heroes. --------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- ---------19. ART Useless waste of time and tax dollars. Spreads immorality. --------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------20. ASIA China, Japan and Korea. Are all Hard workers but shifty. Always pirating goods, unlike AMERICANS.(cf. Dickens) --------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 21. ASS The larger it is the more beautiful. --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------22. ASSETS If inheriting took "years of hard work to build". Sacrilege to tax inherited assets. "I see dead people taxed." --------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------23. ASSUMPTIONS Sufficient reason for any AMERICAN military action. (Cf. Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya) --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------24. ATHEISM Faithless.(cf. ISLAM) --------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------25. ATTITUDE Impossible to achieve anything without a good one. --------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------26. ATTORNEYS Only defend criminals. Lower than politicians. --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------- 27. AUGMENT To be used when discussing wealth. --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------28. AUSTERITY Duty of middle and lower classes to endure entirely. --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------29. AUTHORITIES Never subject to laws they uphold. They just "enforce the law". (cf. Patriot Act) --------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30. AUTISM Only occurs in Celebrity's or Professional Athlete's families. Mention vaccines and telethons. --------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------31. AUTOCRAT Never an Ally of AMERICA. All enemies are ruled by one. --------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------32. AVARICE A Virtue. Promotes morality, well being. A sign of superior breeding. (In a pinch cite Darwin, hedge by countering with "Evolution only applies to Animals".) -------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------33. AWARD Always earned. Impossible to achieve without aid from God. -------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------34. AXIS Something evil.