I believe the first and final stanza's are most critical in hooking and releasing the reader. See how this alters your poem:It's cold and breath doesnot take.Dull painhangs infattened cloudsover theirsad heads.Low onthe horizona wanRed sun casts rays ofsofter lightto nourishthem.Lost childrencry softlyin the hollowof my chest.
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I believe the first and final stanza's are most critical in hooking and releasing the reader. See how this alters your poem:
It's cold
and breath does
not take.
Dull pain
hangs in
fattened clouds
over their
sad heads.
Low on
the horizon
a wan
Red sun
casts rays of
softer light
to nourish
them.
Lost children
cry softly
in the hollow
of my chest.
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