tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22213149.post4800963591484827101..comments2023-12-20T15:35:03.417-08:00Comments on Benjamin's Pixellated Arcade: The PitAnatole Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09475202797984385346noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22213149.post-68809590970335855012008-07-06T03:13:00.000-07:002008-07-06T03:13:00.000-07:00I believe the first and final stanza's are most cr...I believe the first and final stanza's are most critical in hooking and releasing the reader. See how this alters your poem:<BR/><BR/>It's cold <BR/>and breath does<BR/>not take.<BR/><BR/>Dull pain<BR/>hangs in<BR/>fattened clouds<BR/><BR/>over their<BR/>sad heads.<BR/><BR/>Low on<BR/>the horizon<BR/>a wan<BR/>Red sun <BR/><BR/>casts rays of<BR/>softer light<BR/>to nourish<BR/>them.<BR/><BR/>Lost children<BR/>cry softly<BR/>in the hollow<BR/>of my chest.Beysshoeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02834902009144035585noreply@blogger.com