Sunday, April 20, 2008

Solace Lost ( A Call at 6 A.M.)


Subdued,
a broken dream
voice answers
against a
crumpled pillow
(don't ask me,
I know).


Can we lay
together?
Is it
enough my breath
filters through
the holes
of your
cordless phone?

Expiring a continent
away,
it seems other
objects draw you
away
from the elliptic
of our love.

My heart beats
green as grass.

Tenuous as a dew drop
on the blade.


Consolation never
comes from
tired sighs
or drawn out
love laden
goodbyes.
at

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:23 AM

    David, Your write lacks immediacy. There are too many buffers. See how immediacy alters this:


    A dream breaks
    A pillow crumples
    A voice answers.

    Can we lay together?
    Filtered through holes
    of your cordless?

    Best lines:

    My heart beats
    green as grass.

    Tenuous as a dew drop
    on the blade.

    xox Sarai

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anatole David5:19 PM

    Sarai,


    I couldn't disagree more. The excessive lyrical space conveys fatigue, labor. At 6 A.M.--tired and full of doubts--expansive and labored the lover talks himself like a weaver spinning--unlike the French Royalty, he or she cannot say "I toileth not".....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anatole David5:19 PM

    "Green as grass" is pilfered from Sappho.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous9:53 PM

    David, You just bolstered my point you silly. Sarai

    ReplyDelete